hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
