Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
