i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
