So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
