Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
