The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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