Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
