i permit you to call me
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
