put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I have tasted many bathrooms
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