Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
