i may or may not be watching the land before time
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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