if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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