i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
