it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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