I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
