Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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