hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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