Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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