every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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