Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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