I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Ambien. No doubt about it.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
