There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
