My first STD was from a foam party
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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