you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
