Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
