When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
