I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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