he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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