My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
