What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
