It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
