I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
