Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
