Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
