Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
