6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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