someone get that fucking seahorse.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
They left me at home... I'm a liability
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
