Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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