I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
