Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
