I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
