peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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