well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
