wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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