There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
we're so committed to being not committed
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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