I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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