mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
