hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
