if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
