did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
