mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
