i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
