You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
