I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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