I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
