jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
