I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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