she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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