Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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